Nope, my dog is not a substitute for a kid

I think we are now intimate enough for me to introduce you to an important element of my life. Are you ready?

Back in 2007, my brother surprised me with a puppy. Maximus is a kind, gentle, loving golden lab. He is my kind, gentle, loving golden lab. But he isn’t a substitute for the baby I never had.

It’s a standing statement; your dog is your baby. And, while he is my baby-cutiepie-doodley-jaan, he isn’t a replacement for a child. For some reason, I felt the need to address it.

I’ve maintained over almost eight years now, that I do not want children. And I stand by that. At this stage, it’s a deal breaker for me- you want kids? I’m not your lady. I’m just not that guy. Now, you’re thinking—single, grumpy woman. Not at all. I love kids. My siblings have kids, and I call them my kids. I have a great loving bond with each of them, separately. We spend time together, and I am their fun “tee,” as they fondly address me. But I am very clear that I don’t want kids of my own.

I’m not going for a stereotypical dog lady label or bitter spinster tag or a ‘people-prefer-getting-a-pet-to-children’ case study. This realisation is not new to me, been my thought since my early 30s.

This is why a dog works for me:

1. He is my walking barking stuffed toy. I squishy his face, and take out ridiculous baby sounds, and say grotesque phrases like, “I’m gonna kissy that face!”

And, that never gets old.

2. Whether I walk into the house after ten minutes or 10 days of being away, I’m greeted with the utmost enthusiasm and love.

And, that never gets old.

3. He wakes me up every morning by coming to my bedside, happy disposition, breathing heavily with that intense dog breathe, licking my face in excitement, as if we haven’t met in a long time. And the best thing? He is met with the most endearing “good morning,” from me. Dayum, I’m lovely thanks to him! It has been our morning routine.

And, that never gets old.

4. There is nothing required of me but LOVE. (Vet bills, food, and exercise aside).

And, that never gets old.

5. He is by my side, albeit, sleeping 99% of the time. When I idly tickle him behind his ear, his tail starts lazily wagging.

And, that never gets old.

6. He jumps onto the bed, rolls in ‘fun’ mode, stops, looks at me, and barks to beckon me to play with him.

And, that never gets old.

7. His big eyes stare with loads of concentration and hope while watching me eat, and if I pretend not to notice, a gentle paw and a slight whimper, wins him a bite. Works every time.

And, that never gets old.

8. He excitedly goes around me, wagging his tail, and huffing when I’m speaking or singing to him.

And, that never gets old.

9. He follows me out of the house to the car, and stares at me with true puppy dog eyes when I say, “bye Maxi, I’ll just be back.”

And, that never gets old.

10. When my car pulls into the drive, he comes trotting towards me; ears flapping, tongue hanging out from the side, and tail and tush moving in opposite directions in sheer delight.

And, that never gets old.

So no, it’s not the same as having a child.

It is rewarding AF to have a dog. And, I am happy with my choice.

Love. Loyalty. Laughter.